You don’t understand how indispensable you are as a shift manager. That’s why we pay you $6.50 an hour to work six days a week with people who hate you. You should be grateful we’re giving you a whole weekend off to spend with them.
(Yes, that was my actual Christmas tree in my living room as of last week, before the fiber optics stopped fiber opting. It is now a lifeless, darkened husk, perched grimly on the corner accent table, stirring faintly in the draft from the nearby window, pondering its former multicolored glory. Merry Christmas and may God bless you all!)