Archive for ‘Comics’
The earliest memories I have of my father are of him yelling at me and hitting me.
The lesson I refused to learn as a child was “keep quiet, stay out of his way, don’t say anything to piss him off.” My siblings, who were close enough to each other in age to grow up with each other’s support, evidently were able to manage this to some extent. I, on my own with only an elderly mother, a sister who despised me, and a rebellious spirit, somehow couldn’t grasp this.
I was aware, from a very early age, that the things my father was doing were wrong, that other kids didn’t have to put up with this crap, and that it wasn’t fair. Why should I have to sneak around just because I made friends with the black kid down the street? Why did I deserve to get beaten for greeting the Jehovah’s Witnesses who knocked on our door? “It’s not fair,” I growled into the mattress over and over at night.
Fairness can be a terrible thing to teach children. Play fair, do unto others as you would have them do unto you, turn the other cheek, don’t cheat, don’t bully the younger kids. Sure, great advice, but the moment when you begin to realize that those rules don’t apply to everybody else is a moment of impotent rage when you’re a kid. And if you weren’t taught how to deal with the unfairness of the world at the same time you were taught to be fair, well, that snotty little “Who told you life was going to be fair?” crack that people can’t seem to help making, it’s like spittle in your face.
The fact that my father was allowed to get away with the things he did to me only fueled my percolating bitterness. It was years before I was able to separate the notions of simple unfairness and outright injustice, and sometimes the line is still hopelessly blurred for me.
I remain baffled, to this day, as to why my brothers and sisters never made any attempt to shield me from what they knew I would grow up with. Presumably, having survived and successfully escaped, they assumed that I would too, without doing the math and taking into account the fact that I was alone, whereas they’d had each other. When I finally went to the police at the age of sixteen, they resented me for the embarrassment, for my failure to just grit my teeth, keep quiet, and accept the unfairness of it all until I could move out. I’m still not sure whether their rejection of me was unjust or simply unfair.
Spam and Eggs is a presentation of kooky comments that accumulate here. Lately it’s getting boring again; I’m starting to hope Thesaurus Guy comes back soon.
Comment: “Lots of beneficial in a row. I give rise to bookmarked your place.” — Re: That House
I give rise to thank you, I guess.
Comment: “Hello There. I found your blog using msn. This is a really well written article. I’ll make sure to bookmark it and return to read more of your useful info. Thanks for the post. I’ll definitely return.” — Re: Spam and Eggs: Thirty-Seventh Course
MSN? Seriously? What browser are you using, Netscape Navigator?
Comment: “Thanks for enabling me to acquire new thoughts about computers. I also hold the belief that certain of the best ways to help keep your laptop in excellent condition is to use a hard plastic-type case, and also shell, that will fit over the top of your computer. A majority of these protective gear are usually model targeted since they are manufactured to fit perfectly on the natural outer shell. You can buy these directly from the owner, or from third party sources if they are intended for your mobile computer, however not all laptop can have a cover on the market. Yet again, thanks for your tips.” — Re: Spam and Eggs: Twenty-Ninth Course
You’re welcome. However, I am not in the market for Ugg Boots, so please stop trying to get me to go to your Ugg Boots site, Mr. Ugg Boots Salesman Guy.
Comment: “We’re a group of volunteers and opening a new scheme in our community. Your web site offered us with valuable info to work on. You have done an impressive job and our whole community will be grateful to you.” — Re: Spam and Eggs: Twenty-Third Course
Lately there’s been a rash of people posting letters to their 16-year-old selves online. “Dear Me, It gets better.” “Dear Me, You will get through this. Don’t worry so much about your weight.” “Dear Me, He’s not right for you. He will destroy your soul and leave you thinking it was your fault. Run.”
While I’m no stranger to navel-gazing (People’s Exhibit A: THIS ENTIRE SITE), I can’t help but feel that the whole “what I would say to my younger self” conceit is, well, pretty useless, for various reasons. I mean, aside from the obvious fact that one cannot literally go back in time and change anything. Even if that were possible, and even in the highly unlikely event that teenage C had the capacity to take any such advice and encouragement to heart and act upon it — what then?
Is there value in considering what would have happened, what might have happened? The only possible utility I can see in such self-indulgent whimsy is cautionary example, but caution is ever wasted on the young. “Learn from my mistakes,” we say to the current generation, which in turn rolls its eyes just as we did.
Write your own letter. Would you have listened to you?
None of your suicide attempts will succeed, nor will they result in any effective mental health care or family support.
The police, the State, the psychiatric hospital, and the group home will do absolutely nothing but make your relatives resent you for embarrassing them.
Your father will never acknowledge that what he did was abuse. Don’t waste years trying to punish him.
Your mother is mentally ill. Don’t base your idea of normal on her.
Your siblings will always see you as the black sheep. Don’t give yourself a lifetime of grief trying to fit in and maintain relations with them.
You are, in actual fact, intelligent and attractive. Don’t believe you have to have sex with everyone who tells you so because no one ever will again.
God loves you unconditionally. Come to him sooner rather than later.
Grownup C with decades of scar tissue.
No one will ever care about your school attendance record. Don’t sweat the demerits.
Comment: “Saved website. Appreciate giving. Surely well worth enough time from my tests.” — Re: About/AFQ
Thanks for visiting, but I’m afraid you won’t find a lot of info here about this “Justin Biber” individual and his alleged “public sex.”
Comment: “Thank you for this information! I used it for my diploma thesis =)” — Re: Spam and Eggs: Ninth Course
Now this I’ve gotta see. Please write back with a link to where I can read this thesis. I can’t wait to see how LOC BLOCs figure into it. Oh, and I’m not in the market for a new muscle relaxant, but thanks anyway.
Comment: “Do you think anyone will be champion of Euro 2012?” — Re: More Guest Comics
…Yes? What do I win? Oh, some free painkillers? Yay! Oh, they’re not free, you want me to buy them? Oh…I…I see. Obviously I misunderstood our relationship.
Comment: “Well I truly enjoyed reading it. This information procured by you is very useful for proper planning.” — Re: Spam and Eggs: Eleventh Course
This is a purported wiccan peddling “rituals.” At first I was confused as to how they might find the Spam and Eggs pages useful for any sort of planning. But now that I think about it, if you read those entries backwards, you’ll probably get a great recipe for Eye of Newt and Toe of Frog, among other things.