The last words ever spoken to me by my own flesh and blood, after a large natural disaster left me homeless. (P.S. The Red Cross did not, in fact, help me.)
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Posts Tagged ‘hurricanes’
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Tales of the BossLady is a series of journal entries that I wrote a number of years ago while working for a pair of Realtors. The entries are presented here as I originally wrote them, in the present tense, complete with increasingly obnoxious comments about my ever-growing contempt for said BossLady. I’ve mellowed out since then, but as demonstrated by stories like the one below, I don’t think I was entirely unjustified.
Only a couple more months until hurricane season is upon us again. Speaking of which, a few weeks ago we heard this thing on the news about how hurricane season wasn’t far off, and I jokingly yelled “Woohoo!” In a really snotty voice, BossLady immediately started giving me crap about how if another hurricane comes along, she doesn’t want to hear me “whining about not having a place to stay.” That’s a direct quote, by the way, and she evidently thought it was pretty amusing and not really freaking inappropriate. I said something like, “That’s nice,” but dropped it. That was the last time she made what I consider to be a supremely inappropriate comment about my personal life, and I’m honestly just waiting for her to do it one more time so I can (a) go off on her with justification, (b) start making cracks about her weight problem and see how she appreciates people joking about something she finds humiliating and troublesome, or (c) talk to BossMan and tell him I don’t have to put up with this crap. (A while back, I was talking about how after the hurricane I took all my waterlogged stuff and ripped out the moldy carpet and threw it out the window, and she chirped, “Yeah, and then they threw you out!” as if it was hysterically funny that my landlord screwed me over and left me HOMELESS and sleeping in my car after a huge natural disaster. What is wrong with this woman?)
My seldom-seen co-worker recently revealed to me that BossLady is in her early sixties. She’s got grandkids, which I knew but I never tried to do that math. How about that. She looks fairly young for sixty-two or however old she really is, but she looks very much like someone who’s trying to look younger than she is. I originally thought she was in her mid-fifties.
The local “homeless coalition” has very high standards, even after a major hurricane.
Tales of the BossLady is a bunch of entries from a private journal I used to keep about the antics of a woman I worked for. This all happened several years ago, when I was younger and cockier and struggled under the crushing yoke of being paid to suffer an eccentric fool.
Okay, pop quiz time. Imagine you’re a person who is living in the Deep South and running a business. There’s a bigass hurricane headed your way, and you’re planning to evacuate. Do you:
a) Take the computer with all the important files with you;
b) Back up the important files on disk and take those with you; or
c) Put a plastic garbage bag over the monitor and hope for the best.
Remember, you “almost have a Master’s Degree in Computer Science.”
Yes. I am in fact completely serious. It’s tragic, isn’t it?
Next question: With the help of your assistant, you’ve managed to salvage the important files from the wet computer. But there’s another hurricane coming, and you’re planning to evacuate again, and this time you’ve backed up the files on disk. Do you:
a) Take the backup disks with you;
b) Give the backup disks to your assistant to keep them safe; or
c) Stash the backup disks in a loose pile on a top shelf in your living room directly beneath the skylight and hope for the best.
Don’t forget about that Almost Master’s Degree, here.
I just….I don’t have the words.
If people were as loyal to their spouses as they are to their favorite TV shows, there’d still probably be a lot of divorces, but the courtroom hijinks would be more fun to watch.