Actually, I’m pretty sure she was faking in order to make me go away. But in her defense, I did look like a swamp monster covered in mud from the gully.
Posts Tagged ‘water’
This was in the olden times, when the top score was 1600 and they didn’t let you use calculators and your relatives made a point of reminding you how you weren’t as smart as the rest of the family.
(Housekeeping note: I went back and added tags to all my old posts, so in the event that you’re looking for a particular comic, say, the one with the cat making a hilarious face, you can check the cats tag.)
Marriage counseling: Who needs it? Yeah, my spouse’s attempts to make me stick to a budget are “evil,” but otherwise I’d spend every paycheck on porn and junk food, and then I wouldn’t have any money left over to pay for my EverQuest account. So it all works out in the end. Bills? What bills?
New feature! Because I wanted an excuse to put up more stupid little pictures, and hey, why not?
Like any WordPress-based site, CMcL started accumulating spam comments as soon as it got going. The wonderful Akismet plugin catches ‘em all before anybody else sees them, but some of them are just so adorable and hilarious, I couldn’t keep them to myself. I thought it might be fun to collect some of the more entertaining entries here, as well as the occasional insult that gets tossed my way like a rotten egg. These comments are presented exactly as I receive them, except for URLs and most of the names, so as to cancel out any incentive people might have to spam. Bad commenters! No linkbacks or keywords for you!
I’ll probably do two or three of these a week on Saturdays.
Comment: “I apologise, but, in my opinion, you are mistaken. Let’s discuss it. Write to me in PM, we will talk.” — Re: Star Trek
I don’t know how they do things in Latvia, but over here we conduct our Star Trek Wars in PUBLIC, doggone it.
Comment: “It is remarkable, it is a valuable phrase” — Re: Property Folder
More Latvian funtimes.
Comment: “I do not generally reply to posts but I will in this case.
my God, i thought you were going to chip in with some decisive insght in the finish there, not go away it
with ‘we go away it to you to decide’.” — Re: Where?
This is a new one to me: Spam that actually kind of insults you instead of complimenting you?
The Tales of the BossLady are journal entries that I wrote several years ago about an incredibly exasperating former employer who professed to “almost have a Master’s Degree in Computer Science.” The entries appear as I originally wrote them, in the present tense and occasionally a little nasty. Nowadays I’m kinder, gentler, and squishier.
I frequently have exchanges with BossLady that defy description. For the most part, they consist of me trying to ask her something or tell her something, while BossLady’s train of thought goes off the main rails and heads down a track that’s in a completely different direction. She’s one of those people (and I shouldn’t even say this, because I sometimes do it too) who starts to hear your question and then anticipates what you’re going to say, and interrupts you by answering what they think you’re going to ask. Problem is, it’s almost always the wrong question that she’s answering. I’m sure you know the type. And you try to interrupt back, saying, “No, what I mean is…No, what I’m trying to ask is…No, I mean…” Unfortunately, by the time I manage to get my full question out, BossLady is usually either already entrenched in her own idea of what she thought I was asking, or she doesn’t understand what I’m talking about (more about this in the near future).
Here’s an example of me trying to tell her something, wherein she apparently failed to hear a word I said after the first couple of sentences:
I had made an effort to organize the electronic files on the computer I use. I moved several electronic folders into a subfolder because they were unused and outdated and just taking up space, which made it harder for me to find current files. I explained to BossLady what I did, in case she went looking for something and couldn’t find it, and all of a sudden she started yapping about how she had a system in place for the spreadsheet (an Excel file) that the folders were associated with, and I shouldn’t have changed it.
I hurriedly said, “Oh, I didn’t change the spreadsheet, all I did was move these folders, it doesn’t affect the spreadsheet at all.” This is true; moving folders doesn’t do anything to the spreadsheet. And there was no system in place for the folders at all.
But she didn’t hear me. She blathered on some more about keeping the spreadsheet the way it was, and I said again, “I didn’t change the spreadsheet. All I did was move these folders,” and I tried to show her right there on the screen in front of us. The spreadsheet was the same, and the folders were better organized.
She still didn’t get it. She kept talking about how important it was to leave the spreadsheet the way it was.
One more time, “I didn’t change the SPREADSHEET, I just moved these FOLDERS into a subfolder because when you go into this folder there were a bazillion folders all mixed up? You know? The FOLDERS?”
I should point out that my attitude during these exchanges is usually one of anxious puzzlement. I screw up my features into a “What’s going on? I’m so confused” face, and I try to convey a sense of “I’m a little on the slow side. I’m probably not using the right words. I’m ever so sorry for being so dense. I’m sure it’s totally my fault.” I try very hard not to roll my eyes or express impatience. Pretending that I’m a dumb bunny allows BossLady to save face.
So anyway, she finally got what I was saying, or at least she said she did. At any rate, she said, “Ohhhh,” and dropped the subject.
Tune in next week for one of my favorite episodes: Techies in Hurricane Country!
Previously on CMcL, I shared a handful of kooky conversations that took place several years ago with a certain BossLady of mine. (One, two, three, four, five.) Eventually I realized that these anecdotes weren’t really suited to my little photocomic format, and promised to publish a more complete record of BossLady’s wacky antics. Starting today, and hopefully every Sunday, I will share a little something from the journals I kept during my career as BossLady’s assistant.
Disclaimer: This all happened several years ago, but I’m preserving the entries as they were written, in the present tense. I’ve never shown these in public before, but I did write them with a prescient knowledge that someday I’d share them. Also, some of the stuff I wrote back then was admittedly obnoxious. I like to think I’d be a little kinder and more patient with people like BossLady today than I was then, but Lord help me, she’d try the patience of an alligator.
So, in the grand tradition of all great literature, I shall begin at the beginning and go on till I come to the end; then stop.
Once upon a time, I applied for a job at a real estate office. I was applying for an assistant position, and I interviewed with the two Realtors who needed help, BossMan and BossLady. BossMan was the one who was all about real estate; he actually made all the deals and talked to all the clients. BossLady was the one who was a “techie.” She had her real estate license, but she was in charge of the website, the mailers, and everything involving the computers. When I interviewed, she talked up her own skills with Web design and her past jobs, one with a famous hardware company, and her career as a database administrator. Basically, she handled the marketing and technical aspects of the business, and he handled the listings and the sales. As a blossoming geek myself, I thought, “This’ll be great, she’s trained in technology, I’ll be able to learn a lot from this woman.”
So I got the job, and I was good at it. They started giving me more responsibilities, and she and I started having conversations about “techie” matters. It turned out that a lot of stuff that I knew about (PHP, MySQL, CSS, that sort of thing) was outside her realm of experience. Apparently, most of what she did know consisted of how to get printers and cartridges really cheap online, and how to download obscure pieces of free software. I thought it was a little odd, but not everyone knows everything, so I didn’t worry about it at first. But at one point, she went out of her way to say this to me:
“I almost have a Master’s Degree in Computer Science!”
Remember that; it’ll be important in every one of these stories.
For the record, I myself have no degrees. To date, I have had exactly two semesters of college, and neither of them included any computer courses. Everything I know, I learned on the job or on my own, from books and online tutorials. This is both a point of pride and a point of frustration for me; the only reasons I have for not taking more college courses have been (1) lack of funds, and/or (2) lack of time.
Also for the record: I really enjoy my job. BossMan and BossLady treat me very well; and they are, at this point, essentially paying me to do what I consider to be a hobby. I like them both, but there are days…Well, read on.